The other title of this post was going to be- My Sister watches the Disney Channel.
It's hitting me. 4 months worth of pent up emotions is hitting me. And it's kicking my ass. I just spent a half hour in the shower...bawling. It's out of control. That's the worst part. I cannot control it. The car is the worst. On my hour commute from USC...I am not sure why...but I usually cry on the way home. Work is the only thing that distracts me...and honestly even that isn't going as well as it used to.
I. cant. stop. thinking. about. her.
About once every 15 minutes, she crosses my mind. and the only thing I can think is that it isn't fair.
It's not fair that she's not progressing like they said she would.
It's not fair that she's in pain everyday.
It's not fair that she can't even be trusted to be alone in the house.
It's not fair that she was in AP calculus but now she does simple math worksheets.
It's not fair that she spends her days in therapies and rehabs.
It's not fair that my dad isn't working so he can be with her.
It's not fair that my little brother has to lose his childhood to this.
And it's not fair that she will never be normal...
There is a lot of "not fairs" in the situation. It's not fair that people died in the accident.
I know this is whiny. I know that things could be so much worse. But right now, it just sucks.
When the accident happened, I pulled it together. Somehow, I've come undone. I'm unraveling.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Happy flippin' Holidays!
Wow. I cannot believe it is December. Unbelievable. Time seems to go by faster and slower simultaneously. Let me see, Three Sisters rehearsals have started. It surprises me how much I actually enjoy Checkov. It's refreshing to be a part of a creative process again. Thanksgiving was interesting. I got awkwardly emotional on the drive home. I totally didn't think about it being a holiday etc. In other news, I've actually been working out quite often. I'm starting to enjoy it which is shocking considering how much I enjoy sitting on my ass. In addition I have decided to try eating healthier. Again, please do not be shocked. I'm pretty much already over the holidays. I still need to buy an effing bed. I'm really behind on paperwork for 3 Sisters already. Le sigh. Anyways, basically I work 7 days a week and have no time for anything. I am simultaneously dreading January-March since things will slow down at work...but it means that things will slow down monetarily yet i'll have more time to shop. The world is cruel. The end.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wedding Rings and other Things...
Yesterday I went to one of my best straight guy friend's wedding. For the purposes of this blog...we'll call him Luke and her Kelly. Luke and I have known each other since 6th Grade when our mother's planned the 6th grade graduation together. Even though we went to the same elementary school we didn't know each other because we were on different tracks (it was year round...and totally wierd, I was "Blue Track" he was "Red Track") Anyways, our families became besties and I've been on many a vacation with them and we usually celebrate Thanksgiving all together etc...
Luke met Kelly one year ago....and yesterday...they got married! Luke is 22 like me and Kelly is 20. I think it's really weird. Maybe it's because I still see Luke as a goofy 13 year old. The wedding was nice. Not really my style, but nice.
Here's the part that I can't get over- it's like they put rings on and everything changed. Now they are considered adults by all those around them...just because they are married. They are still going to school haven't really embarked on life yet, but they are now going to be treated differently. It's weird that two little rings can do that.
Side note- I also saw some people from High School that I haven't seen in a long time. Not really friends because we ran with different crowds...but I can already anticipate the horror of a high school reunion. Kill me now.
Luke met Kelly one year ago....and yesterday...they got married! Luke is 22 like me and Kelly is 20. I think it's really weird. Maybe it's because I still see Luke as a goofy 13 year old. The wedding was nice. Not really my style, but nice.
Here's the part that I can't get over- it's like they put rings on and everything changed. Now they are considered adults by all those around them...just because they are married. They are still going to school haven't really embarked on life yet, but they are now going to be treated differently. It's weird that two little rings can do that.
Side note- I also saw some people from High School that I haven't seen in a long time. Not really friends because we ran with different crowds...but I can already anticipate the horror of a high school reunion. Kill me now.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
A day off...
Tomorrow will be my last day off for at least a month. The sad thing is, I'm not really upset about it. While I am exhausted, it keeps me busy and I really like both jobs that I'm working. I guess I've really entered Workaholic territory and I'm kind of okay with that.
On my last day off I will be going to one of my best guy friend's wedding. He is marrying a girl younger than us which is weird and makes me feel like I'm behind or something...but then I think, "Oh wait, I'm only 22 and...there is no rush". I can't imagine having the responsibility of being married right now.
In other news, I've started going to the gym! I don't think I've lost any weight but I definitely feel better. I have decided that I'm gonna try this 8 weeks to a 5k thing but I don't actually want to do a 5k, I just want to be able to do it on a treadmill. I have never been a runner so that should be interesting.
For those of you who care, I am still mystified by Purple Kelly on Survivor even though she has made it to the merge, I don't feel like she has had nearly as much screen time as anyone else.
Alright, I'm exhausted and I have a wedding to look good at tomorrow so I'm gonna get some beauty sleep. Night!
On my last day off I will be going to one of my best guy friend's wedding. He is marrying a girl younger than us which is weird and makes me feel like I'm behind or something...but then I think, "Oh wait, I'm only 22 and...there is no rush". I can't imagine having the responsibility of being married right now.
In other news, I've started going to the gym! I don't think I've lost any weight but I definitely feel better. I have decided that I'm gonna try this 8 weeks to a 5k thing but I don't actually want to do a 5k, I just want to be able to do it on a treadmill. I have never been a runner so that should be interesting.
For those of you who care, I am still mystified by Purple Kelly on Survivor even though she has made it to the merge, I don't feel like she has had nearly as much screen time as anyone else.
Alright, I'm exhausted and I have a wedding to look good at tomorrow so I'm gonna get some beauty sleep. Night!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Survivor and "Purple Kelly"
I'm gonna say it. Don't judge. I. Love. Survivor. I didn't start watching it until last season. But now I literally can't wait for Wednesdays because that means Survivor is on.
Why I love Survivor-
1. It shows human beings in their basest form. Does that make sense? Strip the fashion, the technology, wealth and you are just left with physical human beings, just trying to find something to eat.
2. It's a reality show...so there are personalities. That I love.
3. It's such a mind game and its fascinating.
To culminate- I would like to be on Survivor...honestly though, I think I would do terrible. Here is my assessment as to what would happen if I was on Survivor.
1. Outwit-I think I am pretty smart. I am better at common sense stuff than book smarts. Here's the kicker though, I am very very gullible and trusting. I think I would get blindsided by some cute guy or something.
2. Outplay-I doubt I would win challenges if they were physical. I do like the puzzle challenges. As for the challenges where you have to hold one arm up for hours. No thanks.
3. Outlast- I hate the outdoors. I hate camping for more than two nights. I hate rain. I hate not having modern conveniences.
I would probably whine a lot and get voted off within the first 3. Pick me, CBS, Pick me! I sure do know how to sell myself.
On another Survivor related note- There is a girl this season who they call "Purple Kelly". I'm not really sure why they call her that, but she has had maybe a total of 3 minutes of screen time and we are on Week 6. Who is "Purple Kelly" and why is she so mysterious? Maybe she is going to make a game changing move and that's why the editors are keeping her screen time limited because then it will be from out of nowhere?
And that's the end of my Survivor ramble. Tomorrow I have a day shift, so I actually have to go to bed at a decent hour. Yikes.
Why I love Survivor-
1. It shows human beings in their basest form. Does that make sense? Strip the fashion, the technology, wealth and you are just left with physical human beings, just trying to find something to eat.
2. It's a reality show...so there are personalities. That I love.
3. It's such a mind game and its fascinating.
To culminate- I would like to be on Survivor...honestly though, I think I would do terrible. Here is my assessment as to what would happen if I was on Survivor.
1. Outwit-I think I am pretty smart. I am better at common sense stuff than book smarts. Here's the kicker though, I am very very gullible and trusting. I think I would get blindsided by some cute guy or something.
2. Outplay-I doubt I would win challenges if they were physical. I do like the puzzle challenges. As for the challenges where you have to hold one arm up for hours. No thanks.
3. Outlast- I hate the outdoors. I hate camping for more than two nights. I hate rain. I hate not having modern conveniences.
I would probably whine a lot and get voted off within the first 3. Pick me, CBS, Pick me! I sure do know how to sell myself.
On another Survivor related note- There is a girl this season who they call "Purple Kelly". I'm not really sure why they call her that, but she has had maybe a total of 3 minutes of screen time and we are on Week 6. Who is "Purple Kelly" and why is she so mysterious? Maybe she is going to make a game changing move and that's why the editors are keeping her screen time limited because then it will be from out of nowhere?
And that's the end of my Survivor ramble. Tomorrow I have a day shift, so I actually have to go to bed at a decent hour. Yikes.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
This Blog
Dear Blogosphere-
It's Me, Melissa. First of all...I am not a good writer, in fact, I hate writing. So I apologize in advance. Actually, I won't apologize, since, this is MY blog, dammit. So as I write this, I have been up over 30 hours straight due to work and then lack of being tired.
I guess I just want to use this blog to talk about goals I have, share fun stories and the minor Meltdowns as well. I will try my best not to censor myself but I am sure I will find it hard. After all, who knows who will see this.
Allow me to inform you about my current living situation. Currently I am in my bedroom on an air mattress regardless of the fact that I've almost lived here a month. I can't really afford a mattress now since my laptop died unexpectedly and I had to get a new one. Other than the air mattress, life is great, I can't complain. I'm really liking living close to work and I have my own room and bathroom and I even went to the pool the other day! My roommate has an opposite schedule to me so we never see each other so its like we have our own places.
My goal for this week is to go to the gym once. There...I said it, now I have to do it.
Next week...I'm gonna try to go twice...and so forth. Baby steps.
I was gonna say that I want to be a Stage Manager...but I guess I already am one. I think that since I have graduated college and I am making my living as it, I can call myself a Stage Manager. It would be nice to be the production stage manager for a premiere of a big show and having my name in the script. It would also be nice to one day work on Broadway...but I think I would rather do a tour and see the world...or the Continental US.
Lately, I've been extremely lazy which is sad due to the amount of free time I have. I hate it, I hope tomorrow I can start getting things done for reals. My goal is to throw away the boxes in my room, finish my laundry, and put the glass top on my dresser, and a trip to target will be a bonus.
Anyways...thats what's up.
Enjoy
It's Me, Melissa. First of all...I am not a good writer, in fact, I hate writing. So I apologize in advance. Actually, I won't apologize, since, this is MY blog, dammit. So as I write this, I have been up over 30 hours straight due to work and then lack of being tired.
I guess I just want to use this blog to talk about goals I have, share fun stories and the minor Meltdowns as well. I will try my best not to censor myself but I am sure I will find it hard. After all, who knows who will see this.
Allow me to inform you about my current living situation. Currently I am in my bedroom on an air mattress regardless of the fact that I've almost lived here a month. I can't really afford a mattress now since my laptop died unexpectedly and I had to get a new one. Other than the air mattress, life is great, I can't complain. I'm really liking living close to work and I have my own room and bathroom and I even went to the pool the other day! My roommate has an opposite schedule to me so we never see each other so its like we have our own places.
My goal for this week is to go to the gym once. There...I said it, now I have to do it.
Next week...I'm gonna try to go twice...and so forth. Baby steps.
I was gonna say that I want to be a Stage Manager...but I guess I already am one. I think that since I have graduated college and I am making my living as it, I can call myself a Stage Manager. It would be nice to be the production stage manager for a premiere of a big show and having my name in the script. It would also be nice to one day work on Broadway...but I think I would rather do a tour and see the world...or the Continental US.
Lately, I've been extremely lazy which is sad due to the amount of free time I have. I hate it, I hope tomorrow I can start getting things done for reals. My goal is to throw away the boxes in my room, finish my laundry, and put the glass top on my dresser, and a trip to target will be a bonus.
Anyways...thats what's up.
Enjoy
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