Wreckage of my emotions.

The other title of this post was going to be- My Sister watches the Disney Channel.

It's hitting me. 4 months worth of pent up emotions is hitting me. And it's kicking my ass. I just spent a half hour in the shower...bawling. It's out of control. That's the worst part. I cannot control it. The car is the worst. On my hour commute from USC...I am not sure why...but I usually cry on the way home. Work is the only thing that distracts me...and honestly even that isn't going as well as it used to.

I. cant. stop. thinking. about. her.

About once every 15 minutes, she crosses my mind. and the only thing I can think is that it isn't fair.

It's not fair that she's not progressing like they said she would.
It's not fair that she's in pain everyday.
It's not fair that she can't even be trusted to be alone in the house.
It's not fair that she was in AP calculus but now she does simple math worksheets.
It's not fair that she spends her days in therapies and rehabs.
It's not fair that my dad isn't working so he can be with her.
It's not fair that my little brother has to lose his childhood to this.
And it's not fair that she will never be normal...

There is a lot of "not fairs" in the situation. It's not fair that people died in the accident.

I know this is whiny. I know that things could be so much worse. But right now, it just sucks.

When the accident happened, I pulled it together. Somehow, I've come undone. I'm unraveling.

Happy flippin' Holidays!

Wow. I cannot believe it is December. Unbelievable. Time seems to go by faster and slower simultaneously. Let me see, Three Sisters rehearsals have started. It surprises me how much I actually enjoy Checkov. It's refreshing to be a part of a creative process again. Thanksgiving was interesting. I got awkwardly emotional on the drive home. I totally didn't think about it being a holiday etc. In other news, I've actually been working out quite often. I'm starting to enjoy it which is shocking considering how much I enjoy sitting on my ass. In addition I have decided to try eating healthier. Again, please do not be shocked. I'm pretty much already over the holidays. I still need to buy an effing bed. I'm really behind on paperwork for 3 Sisters already. Le sigh. Anyways, basically I work 7 days a week and have no time for anything. I am simultaneously dreading January-March since things will slow down at work...but it means that things will slow down monetarily yet i'll have more time to shop. The world is cruel. The end.